Monday, September 19, 2011

I'm Indecisive

**This was meant to be yesterday's post. I either forgot to publish or gave up on sitting at the monitor.  Either way, it's being put up today.

Today my mind is a bit scattered. Well…I guess more so than usual. I can’t seem to focus on one particular thing. I did however fight it for an hour and search for a job. I fear I’m losing battles that I thought I would surely win. The first is this job thing. It’s not that I had firmly believed that a job would come at me quickly, it’s that I thought I would be able to remain determined in my search. I’m getting to the point where the job search itself has become a full time job. And not a pleasant one! There is no joy in it. There is no determination. I’m trying my best to not opt for ‘just something’ for fear that I will end up in yet another mediocre, ‘same job different place’ type situation. It’s very tempting but I’ve not yet gone there.

Lately, I seem to be leaning my optimism and energy towards volunteer work. After all, for years I’ve been saying I wanted to do something I feel is important before I leave this life. Somehow while working I felt like it was impossible and I didn’t have the time. I don’t know why I felt that way but I did. Now I have the time and have spent countless hours trying to arrive at a cause that feels right to me. A friend tried to get me to volunteer with her at the Rabbit Rescue and the animal shelter. I like animals and do feel they need help but I feel I would do better working to help another person. I’ve been trying to narrow down what feels important and it is harder than I expected.

I think the hard part is my feelings on each project. Will I go into it with a ‘hero’ complex only to be knocked down by a reality that I know nothing about? Or is this feeling cowardly? I don’t know. What I do know is through inaction, I will never know. That is from my husband. He is a big fan of volunteerism and tells me that because I don’t exactly know where I fit, I should try a weekend here or there for different organizations. That sounds like a good plan but am I truly willing to give up time for something that I may or may not want to continue? I do some things out of guilt. So I figure if I do it one time, they may expect me to come again and I might do just that out of guilt even if I don’t feel I fit. It’s a tough decision.

I have two quotes on indecision today but couldn’t decide on which to use so I will post both. Sad….I can’t even decide on a quote about indecision.

Quotes of the Day:
"Don't stand shivering upon the bank; plunge in at once, and have it over." ~Sam Slick
"He who hesitates is sometimes saved." ~James Thurber

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