Monday, January 31, 2011

The Stubborn and The Patient

So, I've fallen behind on my challenge.  The husband and I did complete our Sunday Six but it was definitely a challenge for me.  Not necessarily a physical challenge but mentally it was very difficult.  Sometimes we have an idea in our heads but it's not quite at the front of our thinking.  My idea was we would do 3 miles and then go home.  Well, this was not Alex's idea.  We got to the 'finish' and he passed it.  I asked him if he was going again.  He said yes.  And not just any old yes.  A yes that said 'of course!'.  A yes that said, 'Are you kidding?'  A yes that said, 'I came to workout. What did you come for?'  He told me I could wait for him if I didn't want to finish.  Of course I wasn't having that.  I continued but I didn't like it one bit.  I hem and hawed (silently and in my head).  Of course this frustrated me and frustration pushed me hard.  I pushed to the point where I imagined I was in pain and wanted to stop.  I was not.  Just being petty.  And we did slow up and he asked if I was alright.  I was but I didn't want to admit it. I didn't get my way and it didn't matter if I stopped now.  Going back or continuing forward, was going to equal the 6 miles.   I was having a 'girl' moment.  You know those moments when you just want to be right and have him admit that he's wrong?  Yeah...I was there.  And for no reason.  This walk was my suggestion.  But I wanted to just walk a bit and talk.  None of this silent push till we sweat walk.  As we came upon the halfway point, I realized this grudging attitude would get me absolutely nowhere.  I had better straighten up and fly right or else I would more than likely regret it tomorrow.  So, I did.  I decided to enjoy the view.  The sun was going to set soon and the colors were beautiful on the water.  There were people lazing and relaxing on the docks for this was an unusually warm day for January.  Eventually I did speak to Alex again.  We fell into a steady march and discussed the people.  A couple was coming upon us once again. Alex mentioned how fast they were because they hit the halfway mark before we did.  So, we decided we needed to compete with them and stepped up our pace.  We beat them and this small victory brought the harmony back.  I hate to admit when I'm wrong but I was.  I almost ruined a perfectly good walking workout on a beautiful day.  I'm blessed to have a guy who doesn't fuel my fire and lets me work through it.  I'm again thanking God for those who are patient with me throughout my journey.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I am beautiful because....

I was reading the Tea & Cookies blog today. Her latest post, ‘Your Beauty of Different’ was spectacular. I loved it. Why? Well, you'll just have to read it to understand.

But she asked the question, "What makes you beautiful?" and her readers responded wonderfully. They are so inspiring. There were many wonderful responses, but the two that I like to think I would have come up with were:

"I am beautiful because I just keep going, every day, even when I feel like I have no energy left. And occasionally I stop and think how lucky I am."

and the final one,

"I am beautiful because I am. Really, there is nothing after the 'because.' I simply am."

I think this was a beautiful idea and if we all stopped and came up with a list of things that make us beautiful, we might be surprised at our answers.
Be you and define beauty.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My New New Year

Now is the time to take notice of the things that stand before me. I am 18 days into this new beginning and I vow to make it a good one. The past is the past. Ill take the lessons learned and leave all hurt, fear, and loathing in the past....where it belongs. I learned an important lesson yesterday. Doubting God's blessings, I saw a stack of bills that I had been ignoring. Well, not ignoring. Just afraid of opening to realize I might not be able to pay them. But I was distracted for a few minutes and didn't have time for fear to creep in as I absentmindedly started tearing them open. I opened them all. And after my distraction was gone, I looked at the amounts. They were minimal. Nothing to fear at all. I had prayed to be able to handle the burden of being the sole breadwinner, but forgot that all important part of praying...believing they would be answered. I felt such a relief but then immediately felt a little dumb for letting fear stop me. For weeks I had been avoiding those (bills), therefore wasting precious minutes and hours of my life fretting what might be. Well, that made me realize that for all the feel good quotes and affirmations I tell myself, I was still not really living the way I had hoped. That was like ice water thrown in my face.

So, I am starting my New Year over. From this day forward, I will try my best to practice what I preach. Follow the advice that I give others. Live my life with no regrets. Waste no time worrying. Face everything when it arrives so that it doesn't linger in the days to come. Know that the path to satisfaction, greatness, spirituality or whatever I'm yearning, is a one way path. No turning back. I tell myself that I'm awesome but some days I really don't believe it. I need to stop that. I am awesome in may ways but just need to realize that there are daily obstacles that will challenge that belief. I learn from those challenges. I just need a way of reminding myself of that.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

It's Just Me...

So, I think it's time to properly introduce the real me.  Well...I'll just tell you some things about me that you probably don't know. 
1)  I absolutely am crazy about potatoes.  Fried, baked, boiled, sauteed, totted, etc.  I don't care for cheese on them though.
2)  I think showers and baths are time consuming and I don't like them.  Don't get me wrong...I think they are totally necessary and I do enjoy the end result.  But I still feel like a filthy child who's mother makes her bathe after a long day of playing outside.
3)  I love baking.  I use it as a stress reliever.  But I don't really care to eat the things I bake.  Not because they aren't good because they are. I'm just really not that into sweets. 
4)  I'm a sandwich and salad snob.  I like a pretty sandwich and a picture perfect salad.  I'm judge a deli based on how the products look.
5)  I want perfect teeth.  I know I can't have them naturally but one day I will have them.
6)  I love natural Afros, braids and twists.  I wear my hair this way a lot.  Not necessarily because it's stylish.  But because it's easy and I feel like myself.
7)  I want to one day own a Mercury Comet.  Any year will do.  Yeah....I'm weird like that.

Now let me tell you some things I'm loving right now. 
1) Bathing Net.  My husband got me one.  He says they use them all the time in West Africa.
2)  My pumpkin bran muffins.  They are super moist and full of fiber!
3)  Benadryl!

Something I'm hating right now?
1) Hives
2) Hives
3) Hives!!! (Hence the benadryl)

Well, I think the benadryl is kicking in right about now.   Gonna call it a night.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Where Are You Now?

Don't worry about yesterday.  Where are you now?  I ask myself that question frequently.  It can pertain to anything.  Right now it concerns where I am in my fitness and weight loss journey.  I listen to the ladies at work who have once again made the resolution to lose weight. They talk food all day long but have yet to venture into being more physical.  They tell me it looks like I've lost more weight.  I don't know.  They don't know anything about my journey.  They only know I'm the one that is always trying to get people to walk, jog or put together a company team of some sort.  I'm the cheerful one.  I make everyone feel good. That's what I want them to see. They don't need to know that I struggle with wanting to eat some chips towards the end of the day. That the vending machine calls me every now and again.  Or that I sometimes really, really dislike going to the gym.  I like to keep this journey for myself.  Of course my husband shares in it as he is my biggest cheerleader right now.  But even he doesn't know of the struggle.  I stepped on the scale in the gym a few days ago and felt a little discouragement.  'But I've felt so strong and thinner!' I said to myself.  I tried to shake it off and move on to the strength training portion.  Unfortunately it was half hearted.  I kept thinking about that number.  This affected my performance. As a result, I didn't get the workout I had planned.  As I was showering, I was thinking how I kept going back to that number.  I've always told myself that the past should not dictate my future and I have to live life now.  That number was the past.  That workout was now the past...get over it!  So, instead of weighing myself, I have three articles of clothing I'm working towards fitting into.  There is a pair of denim cotton jeans (w/o any spandex), a shirt my husband had made for me in the Ivory Coast and my wedding dress.  I can squeeze in the jeans.  The shirt buttons but is not meant to be as snug as it is.  The wedding dress zips but is not nearly as loose as it was almost a year ago when I first wore it.  I call those my 'Where Are You Now' clothes.  I have included some pics.
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Corny Love

I know I'm cheesy and corny. But I have found a mate that doesn't mind it.  We are corny together.  For New Year's Eve, we didn't toast with Champagne or wine or any type of drink.  We toasted with yogurt. But not just any yogurt. The 'special' mousse-like yogurt we had saved just for midnight. We didn't have any junk food and we don't really drink so we decided to ring in the New Year with yogurt.  See....corny.

He made me breakfast this morning while I was still in bed.  He made an egg white and potato omelet with a side of sauteed tomatoes and onions with a little vinaigrette. And a glass of orange juice.  He ate his with french bread of course. The french and their bread!  But afterwards, we each go to our computers and check our email and facebook, etc.  And even though we aren't talking, we are still communicating.  We send each other love notes by messenger.  It's fun and sweet.  Our computer love.  Ah....I love this man.

Our intention was to go walking this morning.  But that plan has been foiled by rain. So, we will be hitting the gym later.  Unfortunately, its the beginning of the year and the gym is always crowded with residents.  Oh well. Won't be long before those resolutions are broken and the gym is ours once again!

What did I eat?

What did I eat yesterday:
Breakfast:  Whole grain oatmeal, 1/2 banana, 8oz OJ
Lunch: Boca Burger on Double Fiber English Muffin w/mustard and 1/2 cup shredded potatoes. Unsweetened Tea.
Dinner:  Baked drumstick, small baked potato, salad.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!

Let this coming year be better than all the others. Vow to do some of the things you've always wanted to do but couldn't find the time. Call up a forgotten friend. Drop an old grudge, and replace it with some pleasant memories. Vow not to make a promise you don't think you can keep. Walk tall, and smile more. You'll look ten years younger. Don't be afraid to say, 'I love you'. Say it again. They are the sweetest words in the world.~Not sure who said it but I like it.