Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Foolishness and Food Graffiti

This past weekend I had some issues that I've been putting off for far too long.  So long that it finally caught up with me.  Headaches, balloon-head, and nose bleeds were my companions for the weekend.  Sadly, I didn't want to go to Urgent Care because I was too cheap or afraid or both.  The husband was understandably freaked out.  Especially after I tried to do a light workout with him only to have it result in a near pass-out.  He even called my sister to come and babysit me while he went to work because he didn't want me to be alone.

The BP was crazy high and I've been struggling with it for a few weeks now.  The thing is I thought I had it all under control and for some reason it was back up.  I finally gave up and called my doctor who advised me to come in right away.  Unfortunately I had made the decision to go to work so I had to fight lunch traffic with an aching head, squinty eyes, and pressured head.  I went in and had another battery of tests.  I was given more meds and ordered to relax, stop stressing, get more sleep and get back in the gym.  Apparently this working out business is good for stress and when you stop things start going south.

So anyway, after a seriously hard weekend (and  Monday) I rejoined my after work Crossfit group.  It was awesome! Just what I needed to give my attitude and moral a boost.  All day I was thinking I would rather go home and chill but I guess that's what got me in trouble to begin with.  Then there was my reminder that I had prepared protein to eat before my workout.

Yes I play with my food.  At least at work I do.  I can't help it. I'm a chronic doodler and I always have a sharpie near my naturally packaged foods.  Lol.  Don't believe me?  Check out my bananas.


So today was Fight Gone Bad.  Not a bad workout for me.  I'm not saying that to imply that it was easy.  Remember I've not been there in weeks.  No, I'm saying that because I attempted this workout with the husband and only got halfway through the first round before I got disoriented, dizzy and almost passed out.  I should have known better because I wasn't feeling great before we got started but I figured I just wouldn't push as hard.  Oh man.  I know you must think I'm the dumbest person ever.  At that moment yes I was.  I don't know what possessed me to ignore the signs and go through with it.  But I did and I learned my lesson.  So anyway, I got through 3 rounds today with no light head, dizzy or nose bleed.  I'm back!

I learned many lessons over all of this.  If the body is giving you indication that something is wrong, listen.  My body is worth more than the little bit of money it will take to go to Urgent Care.  My husband's love may not always be plain for all to see, but when he worries I see it all over him.  So I'm back at it tomorrow.  The weights may not be as heavy and the rowing a little slower but I'll get back on board in due time.

Have a good night!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Back to Me

I'm back! It's been a while and I've been trying my best to get back here.  But sometimes life gets in the way of me trying.  Looking back I'm amazed that it has been over 6 months since I've posted anything. 

I will say that I've not been where I thought I would be on this journey to a healthier me.  No.  I'm guilty of that thing that catches up with many other women.  Taking care of everyone else except myself.  I've been running here and there and everywhere doing this and that for the husband, sisters, in-laws, bosses, friends and even my dogs.  I haven't been to cross fit in a couple of weeks.  Part of that was due to my body betraying me with illness but after I got better, I couldn't bring my self to get up and go.  If I didn't know better I would say I was just being lazy.  But I do know better and it was not that.  You try getting to bed at 11pm-ish, having your sleep interrupted at 2am, get up and drive 40 minutes, return home and try to sleep another hour and a half before having to rise again and go spend 9 hours at work and THEN trying to rush through a high intensity workout because you still have to go home and get other things done or fulfill obligations you foolishly made to others.  Folks, after months of doing this, your body would betray you also.  And it is not fun when the body has to tell you to put on the brakes. 

 I recently told the husband that I've been feeling frustrated and listless.  Being the wise husband, he decided to listen instead of trying to fix it for me (though I would have welcomed a quick fix).  I told him I figured it out after discussing it via email with a good friend.  She broke it all down for me and it was very simple and I can't for the life of me figure out why I never put it all together myself.  She pointed out all the things that I had been doing (listed above) and said none of it included time for me.  She was right.  I had even gotten to the point that when I went grocery shopping I was thinking of things that the husband would want to eat and later realizing I never got anything that I would prefer.  This resulted in my carb overkill and bouts of not-so-clean eating. 

After telling all this to my husband, he didn't have a lot to say but he's more of a man of action.  He gave me a back rub until I fell asleep.  The next morning he tried to figure out why I've been feeling this way.  At first he said, 'Maybe you're pregnant.'  Lol.  This threw me off a bit but that's a whole other story.  After assuring him that I didn't think it was that (though I would have been a bit relieved if it were the reason), he listened some more and started planning.  His fixes always include planning.  He  promised that we would get back on a morning workout routine on the days he didn't have to be at work at 3am.  He also stressed that he wanted me to not worry about anything after work and to start going back to my classes or doing something that i liked to do.  I think I'm going to do it.  I don't know that I have a choice.  That old path is a flat one and I can see from here that the end is not pleasing.  I think I'm going to veer off in the other direction and start doing things for me again.  So starting next week I'm hoping to be back to blogging, cross fitting, clean eating and shaking my booty to some zumba. 

Now that I think I have my head screwed back on correctly, here's a nice little quote that reminds me that how I think (believe) will always be the guide to where I'm going.