Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Growing (B)Older

In a little less than 12 hours, I will be saying goodbye to another year of my life. At exactly 9:04am, I will be standing at the door of a new decade, raising my hand to knock (not quite crossing the threshold yet).  It's been another good one.  They've all been good I suppose but some better than others.  With each new year I get to look back once more at the past and see all the mistakes I've made, all the lessons learned from them, and how I've grown just a little bit more.  And no, I'm not talking about expanding waistlines.  Lol.

Up until a few years ago, I had a tradition of pulling out my journal and reading what I had been through the year before.  What I found was a lot of bitching, moaning, woe-is-me type crap.  I don't know what made me finally see it for what it was but one particular birthday it just occurred to me that's what it was.  Each of those entries seemed to be blaming something or someone for all the problems I had or all the things I didn't have.  But it was all me.  For all the blaming, there was not one entry made that mapped out a solution.  Not one. 

So I vowed to make a change and I did.  It was not easy changing habits that had been with me for years but the struggle was worth it.  It was the best move I could have ever made.  Since that day, I can honestly say I am a happier person.  Part of that change happened when I learned to start trusting myself and stop being afraid of failure.  I'm not as hesitant, I take more chances and I'm just a bit more verbal about important things.  My good friend Myrtle T. (who was 80-something when she told me this) said the older you get, the bolder you should be because at some point in life you just won't give a damn what people think.  I laughed at it then but oh how right she was! 

Now when I look back at the last birthday entry, I see words of thanks, some sadness, many challenges and tons of humor.  I gotta say I've had a wide range of emotions this year but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.  I'm loving this here life and hope I'm using it up as much as possible.  Happy Birthday to me! 

Quote for MY DAY!:  'I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used, Oh you just keep on using me.....until you use me up!' ~Bill Withers 'Use Me'


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