Hard on Myself

More often than not, I am very proud of myself.   The times I push pass 'tired' on the treadmill and run an extended amount of time, I'm proud.  The times I stick with my eating plan the entire day with no cheats, I'm proud.  When I've actually accomplished completing a to do list, I'm proud.  But for all of those days, I have the ones where I am hard on myself.  This morning was one of those days.  I rose later than usual (8am) and decided to head out on a walk alone.  The hubby was still in bed and the dogs looked content to laze the morning away.  I pulled on the shoes and a clean pair of workout pants and tshirt (I finally did laundry yesterday) and headed out the door.  I made up my mind that I would do two loops around the pond and then the concrete walk to see exactly how far it was and if I could put up a good time.  Well, I did just that.  I even ran a bit even though that was almost defeating.  For me, it seems much harder to keep up a running pace outdoors.  That and the pollen this morning was working on me so the head was pounding about 30 minutes later, eyes burning and nose running.  As I was rounding the corner to make it to the tunnel, I picked up some energy and was thinking I must have put up a decent time and noticed I wasn't half as winded as I thought I would be.  Well, I slowed to a cool-down at the tunnel.   Even took the time to stretch.  When I finally made it to the front door, I checked the trusty built-in stop watch on the pedometer and it showed 49 minutes.  I was OK with it for a little bit.  But then I checked the distance and it's just a little over 3 miles!  My mood plummeted a bit.  If it took me 49 minutes to do 3.42 miles, it's going to take me forever and a day to complete my 10K!  What the hell?  So, I've been in a sort of funk about it all day.  11 hours later, I'm finally putting it into words and have found the positive in all this. Yes, it took me all day to do this.  Sometimes even I lag on the positivity.  Anyway, my upside?  Look up there where I said  'noticed the fact that I wasn't half as winded as I thought I would be'.  That is saying something.  So, my speed wasn't there and I did indeed let my mind wander to the  thought 'I have how much further to go?' but I wasn't struggling to breathe.  This is a win!  So, I was hard on myself and was down because of it.  There will always be instances where I am unreasonable, or hard on myself, or someone else.  I just have to remember that I always come through them and I try never to let a situation get past me without seeing the positive.  In fact, if I go a step further, I can say that being hard on myself also drives me to do better.  Yes, I found the positive in today's walk, but I fully intend to do better next time!  Walk on people!

I have finally figured out how to put in my mapped walks.  See above.

Quote for my day: 'When you get to the place where you would worry, Stop and pray'. -Edgar Cayce