Sunday, June 19, 2011

Please be Patient with Me

Last night I had a conversation with my husband about something that was heavy on my heart.  I don't usually share this type of thing with most people but my husband is one of those rare souls that invite you to share your worries.  Well I pray every night before I go to sleep.  In this prayer I always give thanks for everything that is given to me; good and bad.  I always give thanks for knowledge from the experience. I give thanks for everyone that has been in my life and the ones that will come.  I give thanks for being able to learn what it truly is to love.  Then I delve into the 'pleases'.  I ask for continued blessings, protection and mercy.  I ask that God show me my purpose and give me the strength and courage to endure it.  I also ask that God bless us with what is best in our lives.  Now, this is the part that was heavy on me last night.  I asked him if he ever thinks about what it means when we ask God to help us succeed or show us what is best for us.  For me, it was a little scary.  Why?  Because what if what God think is best is not my ideal of what is best. Now, don't get me wrong.  I don't ever question if something God is doing is not in my best interest.  I guess what I mean by 'what if what God think is best is not my ideal of what is best', could be better explained by saying I'm afraid of what God's best is.  What if it's painful?  What if it requires me to make difficult decisions?  As a child, I always viewed God 'best' as making things easy on us.  But now that I'm an adult, I see this is not the case.  Sure, things generally end up working out but in my life it seems that it usually was a struggle to get there.  Now I don't know if that means it was because I was going against his will before moving out of the way for it to work, or if it means I had to struggle to learn the lesson to get there.  I don't claim to be the most learned Christian or scholar.  I only know what I believe is in my heart.  I have friends who would probably say I'm still a babe in Christ.  Well, probably.  But guess what friends?  If it means I'm continuously learning and striving to understand, then forever a babe I shall be. 

So what did the hubby say to my question?  He said, 'Everything God does is for the best.  People don't want hard and they don't want ugly.  We want everything to be easy without the work.  But that's part of his  (God's) gift.  He helps us make it through the hard part to get to his best.'  Then he followed it up with a, 'Don't worry Mon Cheri.  Everyone worries about this.  It will always be ok. '  He always makes light of things for me and I feel a little better about my question. 

Giving up control has always been hard for me. I guess from this I have learned that I still need to learn to trust God.  It's a hard thing to give in to that.  And scary to boot!   I do know that I can't be successful in anything without giving my complete trust to him.  So, please be patient with me because God is not through with me yet!

Quote of my day:
God has editing rights over our prayers. He will….edit them, correct them, bring them in line with His will and then hand them back to us to be resubmitted.

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