I've been back to that 'place' again. That small nook of a cranny in my mind that causes me to pity myself. That place holds a pocket of issues I have yet to address. As long as I don't address them, they stay there and collectively get together at the oddest times and create havoc with my emotions. I need to dust that place every now and again.
I've recently been in a funk and have been very verbal about it. Every now and again, when I nag and whine about certain things, I get a 'lecture' from my husband. Most times, he keeps quiet and let's me work my way through them. Well, today was not one of those times. We were walking a 3 miler in the neighborhood today and was passing the rec center. He asked, 'They dance there?' I had to think about that for a second before realizing he meant Zumba. I said yes. Then he said, 'You would go to the other side of town instead of going to the class across the street.' At that point I had to break it down to him. I explained how I need a good set of music, an energetic and good instructor as well as one that can keep the beat. A zumba instructor who is off beat the entire class is very hard for me to follow. We tossed around argument for a bit before I conceded and frustratingly said, 'OK. You are right. I guess I'm just finding an excuse to NOT workout by saying that class is not good. I'm just being lazy and don't want to do anything.' You guessed it. I'm a little hormonal. I knew full well this was not what he was saying but I wanted him to feel like he was wrong. And no....I have absolutely no reason for doing this. He tried backtracking and fell flat.
I walked the next 2 miles in silence. He tried to make conversation but I took the trail that led to a hill and was in full 100 degree sun. The conversation was quickly replaced by heavy breathing. When we both finally hit level ground and caught our breath, he said, 'I think you haven't found what you wanted because it was meant for you to do it yourself. You said it didn't take much to get certified so you should do it.' My response was a simple, 'Yep'. I've been toying with the idea and I didn't know how to ask his opinion. Damn him for bringing it up and suggesting it when I wanted to be pitying and whiney! Grrr! Oh well. This set a better tone for the remaining mile.
Unfortunately, I stepped at an odd angle at some point and my knee was giving me problems on the way back and put a cramp in my better mood. Oh well. I can't have it all. So, the idea is there. I cleaned that little issue out of the nook. I have that small feeling in the pit of my stomach that this is something I can do and because he knows, I am now accountable. Here we go!
I have another issue to address but after walking just a little over 3 miles in 100+ degrees, I'm wiped. Stay tuned for that cleaning. Hopefully the hormones will give me back the good part of my brain soon!