Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Oh Happy Day!

'He taught me how to wash, fight, and pray. And he taught me how to live rejoicing every day!' This was blasting through the ear buds this morning as me and the husband hit the ground running at 7am. 

My husband challenged me last night after watching Extreme Makeover Weight loss Edition. We were watching the woman running.  He declared that I could no longer run.  I was annoyed.  He knew it.  Then he said, 'Prove me wrong.'  I didn't want to prove him wrong or right. I don't like being put in that situation and pity the fool that puts me there.  I did advise him that his psychology was misplaced and he saw that I was not amused.  He backtracked and apologized.  I tried to hold on to the feeling but I started to feel bad and then finally decided to give up the annoyance because it just was not worth the energy.  So, he said we would get up this morning and workout and if I wanted to run we would. I agreed.

So, he woke me just before 7am fully dressed and ready to go.  I was ready and excited to be able to head out early and when the air was not yet 100 degrees.  This was to be a serious sweat fest so any talking had to have been before it began or afterwards.  In went the ear buds and we were kicking up dust in no time.  I'd say about 2.5 miles in, my mind started to wander to the dark side.  I started to ask myself how much longer and I made the mistake of looking ahead to see the hill.  That is never a good idea when you already begin having discouraging thoughts.  I don't even know where it came from.  I wasn't even tired.  Maybe a little bored though.  Luckily, I had the music going and 'Oh Happy Days' began playing.  I don't care who you are or what you believe. When you hear this song, you get an energy in you that pushes you through some tough moments.  This was one of those moments. 

It pushed away the doubt and I was back on track.  Pushing up the hill, I had the thought that when one is going uphill, it is never a good ideal to slow down.  Slowing down only makes it that much harder.  Then I got all deep and started applying that to my life.  When faced with an uphill battle, do I slow down or speed up and push through it?  Thinking, I realized in the past, I slow or stop with fear, uncertainty, or doubt. With this job loss am I doing that?  I thought on it for a few minutes and pushed harder as the thoughts came. Well, I don't have any of those right now.  Why?  I don't really know.  Everyone keeps trying to tell me how I should be feeling about it.  That I should be devastated, depressed or down.  I'm not any of those.  But then it hit me. Maybe I'm not any of those things because I don't view this as a problem. 

What I do know is that in the last year and a half, I've had to deal with a father having brain surgery and almost dying. Watching my Mom be strong and take care of him all the while worrying and fretting.  Then dealing with her dying. Soon after, I was pregnant and scared but then miscarried.  Then again.  Those are things that cause devastation, depression and a downward spiral.  Losing a job...not so much.  It's just a hill and I fully intend to run it.  No slowing down because this is just not worth it.  I will run the hell out of it and will not rest until I've reached the top. On the top, I might pause and even look back to see where I've been.  But only for a moment because I will have too much ahead of me to rest on that. 

Ending the workout with some toning, and drenched in sweat, I smiled and kissed the husband (sweat and all) telling him that I rejoice in everyday.  He looked at me in a confused way.  I told him, I was raised to wash away worry, fight to win, and pray for continued blessings.  He smiled and said, 'That's why I married you.'

Oh, happy day!

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