Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My New New Year

Now is the time to take notice of the things that stand before me. I am 18 days into this new beginning and I vow to make it a good one. The past is the past. Ill take the lessons learned and leave all hurt, fear, and loathing in the past....where it belongs. I learned an important lesson yesterday. Doubting God's blessings, I saw a stack of bills that I had been ignoring. Well, not ignoring. Just afraid of opening to realize I might not be able to pay them. But I was distracted for a few minutes and didn't have time for fear to creep in as I absentmindedly started tearing them open. I opened them all. And after my distraction was gone, I looked at the amounts. They were minimal. Nothing to fear at all. I had prayed to be able to handle the burden of being the sole breadwinner, but forgot that all important part of praying...believing they would be answered. I felt such a relief but then immediately felt a little dumb for letting fear stop me. For weeks I had been avoiding those (bills), therefore wasting precious minutes and hours of my life fretting what might be. Well, that made me realize that for all the feel good quotes and affirmations I tell myself, I was still not really living the way I had hoped. That was like ice water thrown in my face.

So, I am starting my New Year over. From this day forward, I will try my best to practice what I preach. Follow the advice that I give others. Live my life with no regrets. Waste no time worrying. Face everything when it arrives so that it doesn't linger in the days to come. Know that the path to satisfaction, greatness, spirituality or whatever I'm yearning, is a one way path. No turning back. I tell myself that I'm awesome but some days I really don't believe it. I need to stop that. I am awesome in may ways but just need to realize that there are daily obstacles that will challenge that belief. I learn from those challenges. I just need a way of reminding myself of that.

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