Friday, November 26, 2010

Tears In My Tea

It's amazing how doubt can break you down. I've been doing pretty well trying to stay positive and pumping myself up but today something got in the way. I was walking Sofie and I started thinking of all the things I need to accomplish by the end of the month. As I started thinking, the same familiar phrases jumped ahead. I can do it. So far everything as worked out. No need to worry. Come up with solutions. Well, I started trying to get ideas that would lead to solutions. But instead of ideas came doubt. I started thinking of what I could do but then I felt fear in the pit of my stomach and it worked it's way up to my mind with the idea that I would fail if I did this or that. Well, dang it! I thought. Why now? I haven't had that feeling in a month or two. But here it was.

I extended our walk to try and work my way around it. I thought I was successful until I was sitting here on the sofa tonight. I started thinking about how I've been working as hard as I can so that I can get to a decent place this month. By a decent place I mean closer to peace of mind. I try not to worry and it is hard to push worry away but I've been working hard to do just that.
Well, anyway I was worrying and started thinking of all the things I could eat. Why? I guess eating might take my mind off of the problems and worry? I know, I know. This never works. In fact, it just adds to problems I already have. So, I did something that I've been saying I was gonna do for a long time. Instead of giving in to late night eating, I would drink a cup of tea. I made a cup for me and one for my husband. As I was sitting there watching a movie, I got overwhelmed by a thought and I started to cry. Tears in my tea! What is that about? Well, I reached down to use my napkin to wipe away the tears and I just happened to see the tea tag. Talk about a moment for me! The tag was exactly what I needed to see. (See pic) Never let it be said that there aren't signs when you need them! I'm in a better place right now. I know it.

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