It's amazing how doubt can break you down. I've been doing pretty well trying to stay positive and pumping myself up but today something got in the way. I was walking Sofie and I started thinking of all the things I need to accomplish by the end of the month. As I started thinking, the same familiar phrases jumped ahead. I can do it. So far everything as worked out. No need to worry. Come up with solutions. Well, I started trying to get ideas that would lead to solutions. But instead of ideas came doubt. I started thinking of what I could do but then I felt fear in the pit of my stomach and it worked it's way up to my mind with the idea that I would fail if I did this or that. Well, dang it! I thought. Why now? I haven't had that feeling in a month or two. But here it was.
I extended our walk to try and work my way around it. I thought I was successful until I was sitting here on the sofa tonight. I started thinking about how I've been working as hard as I can so that I can get to a decent place this month. By a decent place I mean closer to peace of mind. I try not to worry and it is hard to push worry away but I've been working hard to do just that.
Well, anyway I was worrying and started thinking of all the things I could eat. Why? I guess eating might take my mind off of the problems and worry? I know, I know. This never works. In fact, it just adds to problems I already have. So, I did something that I've been saying I was gonna do for a long time. Instead of giving in to late night eating, I would drink a cup of tea. I made a cup for me and one for my husband. As I was sitting there watching a movie, I got overwhelmed by a thought and I started to cry. Tears in my tea! What is that about? Well, I reached down to use my napkin to wipe away the tears and I just happened to see the tea tag. Talk about a moment for me! The tag was exactly what I needed to see. (See pic) Never let it be said that there aren't signs when you need them! I'm in a better place right now. I know it.