Saturday, April 27, 2013

Back to Me

I'm back! It's been a while and I've been trying my best to get back here.  But sometimes life gets in the way of me trying.  Looking back I'm amazed that it has been over 6 months since I've posted anything. 

I will say that I've not been where I thought I would be on this journey to a healthier me.  No.  I'm guilty of that thing that catches up with many other women.  Taking care of everyone else except myself.  I've been running here and there and everywhere doing this and that for the husband, sisters, in-laws, bosses, friends and even my dogs.  I haven't been to cross fit in a couple of weeks.  Part of that was due to my body betraying me with illness but after I got better, I couldn't bring my self to get up and go.  If I didn't know better I would say I was just being lazy.  But I do know better and it was not that.  You try getting to bed at 11pm-ish, having your sleep interrupted at 2am, get up and drive 40 minutes, return home and try to sleep another hour and a half before having to rise again and go spend 9 hours at work and THEN trying to rush through a high intensity workout because you still have to go home and get other things done or fulfill obligations you foolishly made to others.  Folks, after months of doing this, your body would betray you also.  And it is not fun when the body has to tell you to put on the brakes. 

 I recently told the husband that I've been feeling frustrated and listless.  Being the wise husband, he decided to listen instead of trying to fix it for me (though I would have welcomed a quick fix).  I told him I figured it out after discussing it via email with a good friend.  She broke it all down for me and it was very simple and I can't for the life of me figure out why I never put it all together myself.  She pointed out all the things that I had been doing (listed above) and said none of it included time for me.  She was right.  I had even gotten to the point that when I went grocery shopping I was thinking of things that the husband would want to eat and later realizing I never got anything that I would prefer.  This resulted in my carb overkill and bouts of not-so-clean eating. 

After telling all this to my husband, he didn't have a lot to say but he's more of a man of action.  He gave me a back rub until I fell asleep.  The next morning he tried to figure out why I've been feeling this way.  At first he said, 'Maybe you're pregnant.'  Lol.  This threw me off a bit but that's a whole other story.  After assuring him that I didn't think it was that (though I would have been a bit relieved if it were the reason), he listened some more and started planning.  His fixes always include planning.  He  promised that we would get back on a morning workout routine on the days he didn't have to be at work at 3am.  He also stressed that he wanted me to not worry about anything after work and to start going back to my classes or doing something that i liked to do.  I think I'm going to do it.  I don't know that I have a choice.  That old path is a flat one and I can see from here that the end is not pleasing.  I think I'm going to veer off in the other direction and start doing things for me again.  So starting next week I'm hoping to be back to blogging, cross fitting, clean eating and shaking my booty to some zumba. 

Now that I think I have my head screwed back on correctly, here's a nice little quote that reminds me that how I think (believe) will always be the guide to where I'm going.

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